Hello, my name is John Lennon, and I’m an 80-pound chocolate brown Labrador. I look after a nice, if not somewhat stupid, couple of humans called Robin and Trevor. I have them well trained, and so now, they leave me alone all day to sleep as much as I like. In the morning, I watch my shows, and then around noon, I go for a run down to the lake to chat with my duck friends. Occasionally, a human throws bread at the ducks, which I intercept in order to save them from getting brain damage. My duck friends are always pleased to see me. We play this game called scatter. The rules are simple. Ducks swim, and I jump in the pond. Ducks scatter. Game over. We play it every day, and they love it. Do you speak duck? It’s a mix between Cantonese and grilled salmon.

I always head home before Robin and Trevor get home. When they walk in the front door, I’m lying on my cushion, and it always seems to make them say the exact same thing. “Oh, John Lennon, you look so cute. Who’s a good boy then?” On Wednesdays, every week, the middle school at the end of my road serves pepperoni pizza, and I like to go over there at 12:15 and scrounge some leftovers. I think I can train the kitchen staff to give me my own plate. One day last week, I went over, and the ladies were sitting outside smoking cigarettes, and I put on my sad face, and before I could say Arthur Treacher, one human gave me a plate to myself. It should only take me a couple more visits to have them trained. I love to play fetch, and so I go to the dog park where I have lots of friends. We all speak the same language and love to play fetch. The rules are a bit more complicated than Scatter. First of all, you need a human. His or her job is to be the thrower. Preferably they can throw long distance, but if not, a dog needs to pick his team mates carefully. There is a protocol to playing this game, and it requires some mad skills (I’m not sure what that means, but I once heard Trevor saying it to Robin) Humans like to play bounce. They always play it in the dark. Trevor seems to like playing Bounce more often than Robin, but after a dish of water on a Friday night, she is happy to join in as long as “he gets on with it.”

When I was younger, I liked to roger Robin's leg, but she got uncomfortable if I did it too much. I don’t understand humans. Robin is always telling Trevor to “treat me gently”, but when they are playing Bounce, she keeps shouting at him, “harder harder harder!”