On this episode we are wrapping up our conversation on the importance of sex in marriage. We have dove into this topic and have explored things you or your spouse could be doing to harm your sex life and ways you both can make it better. Let's look at two more tips before we go.

Do Not Watch Porn

Porn is extremely dangerous to a marriage. It will in no way unite you and your spouse. Porn will only cause division and other issues.

For more information about the dangers of porn check out Mark Gungor.

Our last tip is to create a sex bucket list. Sit down together and make a list of things you want to do and places you want to do it. Have fun and get creative.

We pray these tips will help you to grow the sex life you and your spouse both desire in your marriage. Sex is a good gift from God that is specifically for marriage. Don’t waste the gift you have been given! Now go and have a great and wild time with your spouse.

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Spend Quality Time Together

Talk About It

Please and Be Pleased

Don't Rely on Your Mood

Don't Overlook the Quickie

Let's dive into the next three.

Don’t just do the same old things in the same old places. Have sex in a different room, or a different place altogether. Roleplay and dress up. Remember we said you should talk about sex with your spouse? Ask them what one of their fantasies is, and make it a reality. There is no reason for your sex life to be boring. Make it fun and spontaneous by being a little creative.

Remember when you were dating or engaged and the passion was tangible. Remember how you couldn’t wait to see them and you most definitely couldn’t keep your hands off them. Why not relive that time? Is there a certain place that is special to you because of a date? Maybe somewhere you use to go and make out? Go back and relive those moments! Remember what attracted you to your spouse in the first place.

Married people should be the ones having the wild and amazing sex, not single people. If that is the case why not use everything in your arsenal to make sure the sex is great? Start sending your spouse naughty texts during the day. Maybe send a picture here and there. If you spend your whole day thinking about what is going to happen later, not only will the sex be great, it will make your day better as well because you will be looking forward to something wonderful.

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Once you know what your spouse likes, do it. Sex is not about being selfish. Make your spouse and their pleasure your focus. There is something very gratifying when we stop trying to be fulfilled and focus on fulfilling someone else. As Christians, we know this to be true but I don’t believe we always apply this to our sex lives. When we aim to please our spouses, our spouses will most likely respond in the same way. It’s a win-win for everyone.

There will be plenty of times in marriage where sex can not happen because of legitimate issues. So with that in mind, let’s not turn down the opportunity when it can. Just because you are “not in the mood” is not a good excuse. Instead of using it as an excuse not to, use sex to change it!

In marriage, you do not always have candlelight and romance, but maybe you have ten minutes while your baby is napping. Perhaps you both have a few minutes before you have to get ready for work. Let’s take advantage of these little pockets of time to be intimate with our spouses.

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On our last three podcasts, we discussed 10 things that could damage your intimacy with your spouse. We dealt with the problem first because if you try to fix something without dealing with the problem, you will only have a big problem in the end.

In the next few episodes we will be discussing 10 things you can do to help improve your sex life. So let’s dive in.

Sex should not be the only time you attempt to spend with your spouse. Find out what interests them and share that with them. Find ways to connect with your spouse in a nonsexual way every day. This will build your relationship all around not only in the bedroom.

You would think that if you can have sex with your spouse, you would be able to talk about sex with your spouse. Strangely enough, that is not always the case. Talking about sex with your spouse may be very awkward, but it is a way you can make your sex life better. This allows you to discover what they like and don’t like, and vice versa. With that knowledge, you can spend your time intentionally doing things that turn them on!

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Last week we gave you more things that could be damaging or even killing your sex life. Your sex life is such an important part of your marriage and should be thriving not dying.

On our last two episodes we talked about...

Distractions

Constantly shutting down your spouse

Critical Words

Body Image

Comparison

Being Too Busy

Poor Routine

Let's look at a few more things that could be hindering your sex life.

I love the fact that I am comfortable being myself in my marriage. That is one of the many facets of marriage. It is a place to be loved unconditionally, even the imperfect side of me that no one else sees. However, we can take comfort too far.

During the dating phase, you probably would have literally died if you farted or burped in front of the other person. You definitely didn’t let them in the bathroom while you occupied it. You didn’t go around scratching whatever itched or wearing dirty clothes. Yet, we do these very things in marriage and wonder why our spouses aren’t throwing themselves on us.

Let’s be comfortable, but not take it too far. Set back up some of the dating boundaries and you might get some of the dating attention.

The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 1 Corinthians 7:3-4

Being selfish is easy to do, it is our human nature. It is our natural response to focus on what we want or need. Unfortunately, selfishness can also be an intimacy killer. If your only goal in the bedroom is to fulfill your needs, that is not very alluring for the other person. Sex in marriage needs to be a place where both people are being satisfied.

We saved the most dangerous sex life killer for last. Using sex as a weapon is the quickest way to kill intimacy in your marriage. Sex is a gift, not a prize. Sex should never be withheld due to bad behavior, or as a prize for good behavior. In the sanctity of marriage, sex should never be conditional. It is a privilege we get to enjoy in marriage, not earn.

Sex Life Killers Part 2

Last week we gave you three things that could be damaging or even killing your sex life. Your sex life is such an important part of your marriage and should be thriving not dying.

On our last episode we talked about...

1. Distractions

2. Constantly shutting down your spouse

3. Critical Words

Let's look at a few more things that could be hindering your sex life.

Comparison is a relationship killer in general. It has the ability to take a person who has so much and make them believe they have nothing. Comparison always leaves you feeling less-than. Comparison can kill intimacy on multiple levels.

Pushing through this can be hard, but we were never meant to be like other people. Your spouse didn’t choose someone else. They chose and love you. Don’t let comparison steal your intimacy.

Comparison is a great segue to our next point. A lot of people simply let themselves go and do not take care of their bodies after marriage. One major sex life killer can be refusing to take care of our bodies after we get married. The pressure to “win” a spouse is off, so we get lazy and sloppy.

NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY – We are not saying you have to be bone skinny or have six-pack abs for the rest of your life to be happily married. That is impossible, BUT you can take care of yourself. You can be healthy.

If I had to guess, you probably have a to-do list that is a mile long. This world glorifies busyness. If you are overwhelmed, unrested, and unhealthy, clearly you are a go-getter who will be happy and successful someday.

If you are too busy to have sex, you are too busy. Prioritize your marriage and your spouse. Choose them over a to-do list. The list will be there tomorrow, and after good sex, you may be more energized to get it accomplished.

Another sex life killer is falling into a poor routine. Always doing the same thing is boring. Spice things up. Do it in a different place, at a different time of day. If you have to schedule sex to make sure it is a priority, that is fine but be creative about everything else. It doesn’t always have to be the same old sex. Sex can be scheduled, intentional, and yet exciting. It just takes a little planning and prep.

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Sex is a great thing! Most people spend the majority of their single lives trying to get as much of it as possible. But there is a problem that can happen in marriage… Once married, you can have sex all you want…but for many people and for many different reasons sex stops… join us as we talk about the things that can kill off a good sex life.

What the Word Says about Sex in Marriage

Your spring water is for you and you only, not to be passed around among strangers. Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose—don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted! Why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills with a prostitute? for dalliance with a promiscuous stranger?

Proverbs 5:18-20

Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it.

1 Corinthians 7:5

What are you doing when you and your spouse are together? Are you on your phone, watching tv, or preoccupied with something else? Distractions can take up a large portion of our day if we are not careful.

Instead of coming home and picking up the remote or your phone, maybe come home and try to “pick up” your spouse.

One thing that could be severely hurting your sex life is constant shutdowns. Is your spouse putting the offer on the table only to walk away rejected? Sometimes sex can’t happen for a variety of reasons, but why not take advantage of the times it can? I know you may not “feel like it”, but instead of saying no all the time, honor your spouse by saying yes. The fact that they are pursuing you shows they are attracted to you and want to be with you.

What is the atmosphere of your home like? Is it a life-giving place where you feel safe to be yourself? Or is it a critical place where you or your spouse feel like you are walking on eggshells? What words are you predominantly speaking to each other? Are they positive or critical? If you are constantly being critical toward your spouse, they will not want to show intimacy towards you. Change your words, change your sex life.

Join us on the next episode as we will give you more things that could be damaging to your sex life!

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