In this episode of the Divorce Curious Show, host Lisa Mitchell speaks with mediator Tess Worrell about the complexities of divorce and the potential for a process that minimizes destruction. They discuss the emotional turmoil that often accompanies divorce, the role of mediation in providing a supportive environment, and the importance of addressing children's needs during the process. Tess shares her personal journey and professional insights, emphasizing the value of creative solutions and the power of mediation to foster healthier outcomes for families.

Tess Worrell Bio
Growing up, Tess often felt unwanted and unknown in her own home. She married young–hoping to create the kind of connection she wanted growing up. But, as often happens, she married someone much like from home. Instead of life with her best friend, over time she felt increasingly alone. Which gave her a passion for working with those who feel lonely and unwelcome in their own homes.

When people find their marriages simply can’t work, Tess uses mediation to help them navigate divorce or separation to create two separate homes. Homes where they feel welcome and valued. For couples, who want to stay married but need a change to make the marriage work–she offers couple’s mediation. This process helps couples resolve the conflicts coming between them and transform the home they have.

Tess entered mediation after serving as the Executive Director of the Indiana Commission for Continuing Legal Education. Tess worked with the CLE board to develop the training requirements for mediators. In the process, she fell in love with mediation. Especially in the family realm, Tess saw the opportunity for mediation to help families work through issues cooperatively and make decisions tailored to their unique needs and desires. It offered a way to divorce without destroying each other.

As a mom of eight, Tess knows conflict! In “mediating” who got the last cookie or which sibling was at fault for the most recent scuffle, Tess honed her skills on helping those she cared about work through conflict. Conflict should never tear people apart. Instead, she seeks to help people find answers for tough situations while also protecting their relationships.

Takeaways

• Divorce can be approached without destruction.
• Mediation helps address underlying fears and concerns.
• Children's voices should be included in the divorce process.
• Creative solutions can lead to better outcomes in mediation.
• Fear often drives decisions during divorce.
• Understanding the legal aspects of mediation is crucial.
• The emotional impact of divorce on children is significant.
• It's important to consider the type of marriage you want for your children.

Learn more about Resolution Mediation

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In this episode of the Divorce Curious Show, host Lisa Mitchell speaks with Jamila Bradley, who discusses the concepts of kinship, belonging, and the dynamics of relationships, particularly in the context of divorce. They explore the importance of understanding what we owe each other in relationships, the cycle of disinterest leading to contempt, and the societal expectations surrounding marriage. Jamila emphasizes the need for reciprocity and the dangers of over-giving in relationships, ultimately advocating for environments where mutual respect and satisfaction are prioritized. In this conversation, Jamila and Lisa explore the complexities of relationships, particularly focusing on coercive control, self-worth, and the journey of self-exploration. They discuss the importance of recognizing one's own value, challenging limiting beliefs, and the necessity of self-forgiveness. The dialogue emphasizes the significance of understanding personal dissatisfaction and the power of self-validation in navigating difficult emotional landscapes, especially in the context of divorce curiosity.

Takeaways

• Kinship is about what we owe each other in relationships.
• Disinterest can escalate to contempt and hatred over time.
• Longevity in marriage does not equate to satisfaction.
• Over-giving in relationships can lead to devaluation.
• Expectations in marriage often go unspoken and unmet.
• The cycle of resentment can be insidious and gradual.
• Articulating feelings can help in understanding relationship dynamics.
• Creating reciprocity is essential for healthy relationships.
• Entitlement in relationships can lead to exploitation.
• It's important to protect your energy in relationships. Coercive control often masquerades as matching energy in relationships.
• Self-recognition is crucial for personal growth and understanding.
• Challenging limiting beliefs can lead to a healthier self-image.
• Self-exploration requires time and patience without the pressure to act immediately.
• Facing discomfort is a necessary step in the divorce curiosity process.
• Tools like the 'clock and the gun' can help structure self-reflection.
• Self-forgiveness is essential for repairing the relationship with oneself.
• Women must fiercely defend their inherent worth.
• Validating oneself is a powerful tool for emotional health.
• You are the hero of your own story, capable of navigating challenges.

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In this episode of the Divorce Curious Show, host Lisa Mitchell engages in a candid conversation with mediator Hillary Sharpnack about the complexities of divorce and the mediation process. They explore Hillary's unique journey into mediation, the philosophy of 'divorce without destruction', and the importance of same-room mediation. The discussion highlights common misconceptions about mediation, the emotional landscape of divorce, and practical steps for those considering their options. Listeners are encouraged to gather information and explore mediation as a viable alternative to traditional divorce proceedings.

Hillary Sharpnack Bio:
If you asked Hillary what one word she would hope others would use to describe her, it would be “Peacemaker” — not to be confused with “Peacekeeper.” Peacemaking actively confronts conflict and tension, whereas peacekeeping avoids conflict to maintain peace. No matter the conflict type, Hillary works passionately as a Mediator to tackle and ultimately resolve conflict by first identifying the issues, discerning the underlying interests of all involved, and finally determining solutions that address the issues AND accommodates the interests.

Before family mediation, Hillary worked extensively in Human Resources for a large construction and mining company at the business unit and corporate level. Interestingly, Hillary encountered the exact two job requirements in every role she worked within the company — conflict management and resolution.

Through her corporate and educational experience, Hillary discovered a passion for solving problems and resolving conflicts in ways that establish positive relationships, thus beginning her path to becoming a mediator.

In 2018, Hillary graduated from Abilene Christian University with a master’s degree in Conflict Resolution and Reconciliation. As part of her practicum work within her master’s program, she had the opportunity to teach conflict resolution and mediation skills to college-level students in South Africa. The class focused on resolving disputes in various settings, including family, church, workplace, and community.

Resolution Mediation’s approach to mediating allow Hillary to serve others on a personal level in helping to resolve conflict without destruction to the relationship.

Takeaways

• Mediation is a collaborative process focused on family needs.
• Divorce without destruction emphasizes minimizing harm during divorce.
• Same-room mediation allows couples to communicate directly.
• Many people are unaware of mediation as an option.
• Expectations of entitlement can hinder the mediation process.
• Mediation is not suitable for those seeking to punish their spouse.
• Gathering information is crucial for making informed decisions.
• Mediation can be just as thorough as traditional litigation.
• Understanding the emotional context is vital in divorce.
• The mediator's role is to facilitate communication and understanding.

Learn more about Resolution Mediation

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