It's your Dirty Santa gift from HFM! Sara and Kat start a new holiday tradition of helping a depressed child write a special song about getting their mom laid, inspired by 2015's A Christmas Melody. This classic stars Logan, Tess, and.... Mariah Carey.

Apparently MC did "write" the song from the finale, and later "adapted its lyrics to be relevant for a child singing about her single mother finding love."

You can email us about your special relationship with your school custodian at hallmarkedformurder@gmail.com.

Sara and Kat are inspired to start a swim class for middle-aged men after watching the next installment of the Chronicle Mysteries.

Read more about men's sudden thirst for extracurriculars upon becoming fathers here at Reductress.

You can send us your duffels full of cash at hallmarkedformurder@gmail.com.

Sara and Kat plant their feet in some very immoral soil during the latest Chronicle Mysteries.

You can reach us at hallmarkedformurder@gmail.com.

Kat gifts Sara her very best piece of river trash, to celebrate their return to the Chronicle Mysteries.

Don't upset Glen! If you need to dispose of old electronics, Best Buy and Home Depot have recycling programs: https://shorturl.at/7aZKf.

If you have counterfeit olive oil to sell us, email us at hallmarkedformurder@gmail.com.

Kat ziplines Sara into a huge foam ball pit, inspired by the first Chronicle Mystery.

Send us a blank postcard at hallmarkedformurder@gmail.com.

Professional chef Jason gets into the wild boar meat of this movie with Sara and Kat by preparing several litigation-worthy but delicious absinthe-based dishes.

Sara and Kat don their most accurate Marie Antoinette-style victory rolls while chatting about Gourmet Detective: Eat, Drink, and Be Buried.

We promise to improve our audio by the next episode, although we can't stop Kat's neighbor from weedwhacking dirt.

Tell us the most devious accusations you've made while on a horseback ride at hallmarkedformurder@gmail.com.

Sara and Kat schedule simultaneous sleep studies so they'll be ready if an intruder tries to attack them before 11am, inspired by Gourmet Detective: Death al Dente.

There is a Chinatown in Vancouver! But you can still email to scold us at hallmarkedformurder@gmail.com.