Jon is ungracious at being gifted scratchy trousers, and why Dave never received a didgeridoo and was embarrassed by the size of his Stilton.

Our heroes - essentially (of course) good boys - recall school discipline and how they evaded it, even when destroying canteen cutlery. Plus the torments of Puberty - no sex education, communal showers, and the walk of shame after rejection at the school dance.

Little boys go to Big School: terror of the metalwork lathe, crafting a phallic object in woodwork, a shameful case of bullying, and why did Dave have so many embarrassing nicknames?

Dickensian days in Education - the horrors of lunchtime mince and semolina, outside toilets and smelly blazers and why Jon was told to mime at a school concert!

Old habits die hard: discussion of the tyranny of time, what to do when seeing a magpie or an ambulance, plus memories of heading hard-boiled eggs and looking at late-night saveloys.

Two lawless rebels recount their misdeeds. Is that knock at the door the Genie, or is it the Special Branch?

Spoiler alert: no laws have been broken in the making of this episode.

The sad demise of Henrietta Hamster, Desmond Hamster, Pixie Rabbit and others... We reveal where pets go when they die. (It's a small town in Dorset.) Plus a seagull attack, a kiss from a cow and a lesson on how to kill a chicken.

Blush-inducing moments from our past involving nudity, relationship misfires, toilet troubles and performance disasters. Oh, the shame!