In this episode of The Secure Love Podcast, Julie Menanno explores the complex communication patterns between Melissa, the anxious partner, and her husband Drew. Melissa’s deep-rooted anxieties about Drew’s desire to be social resurface, causing her to feel as though he’s choosing connections outside of their family over her and the kids. Julie guides Melissa through understanding how past moments, such as when Drew was emotionally unavailable during difficult times, have shaped her current fears and triggered a recurring negative cycle whenever Drew appears distant or seeks social time apart.

As Melissa unpacks her need for Drew’s reassurance, Julie helps her identify what she truly wants to hear from him to feel secure. Through this process, Melissa realizes that in these moments, she craves Drew’s affirmation that he’s present and committed to their relationship, even when things are hard. Julie emphasizes the importance of clearly communicating these needs, allowing Drew to offer the reassurance that Melissa seeks, rather than sending mixed messages that lead to misunderstanding.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In this episode of The Secure Love Podcast, couples therapist Julie Menanno focuses on Drew, the avoidant partner in his relationship with Melissa, as they continue working through disconnection issues in their marriage. The episode highlights a recurring tension between Drew’s desire to spend time with friends and Melissa’s longing for him to connect with her and their children first. As the primary caretaker, Melissa finds it difficult to step away from her responsibilities and struggles with accepting different parenting styles within the relationship. This tension often leads to frustration and resentment on her part.

Drew, on the other hand, feels guilty for wanting to be social, as he sees no harm in spending time with friends. In this session, Julie shifts the focus to Drew’s experience, helping him tap into the frustration and unexpressed anger he feels in these moments of disconnection. While Melissa often voices her resentment, Drew has rarely named his own anger, struggling to express it because he associates anger with being out of control and saying things he doesn’t mean.

Julie guides Drew to see that his anger in this situation is valid and that there is room for his own healthy anger their marriage. By acknowledging and expressing it constructively, Drew can better address the disconnect between himself and Melissa.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

In this episode of The Secure Love Podcast, host Julie Menanno continues working with Melissa and Drew, building on their previous session. The couple reflects on a recent incident during their vacation where Melissa’s bid for connection at dinner went unanswered, triggering a familiar negative cycle and leading to her protest behavior.

This episode focuses on Drew’s perspective. He shares how the disconnect at dinner, combined with Melissa's protest, led him into his own negative cycle of frustration and fear of prolonged disconnection. Drew describes the emotional and physical toll of the situation, referring to a "knot in his stomach" and the overall feeling of "agony" from not being able to articulate himself well in the moment.

Julie helps them navigate these feelings, encouraging Drew to lean into vulnerability and sit with the discomfort. She explains that the knot in his stomach holds wisdom, guiding him on how to move through difficult moments and reconnect with Melissa.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit Julie's website: The Secure Relationship
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime