Showing results by author "Robert Jeschonek" in All Categories

The Glosser Bros. Department Store in Johnstown, Pennsylvania has reopened, just for you, in the narration of this one-of-a-kind nonfiction audiobook. Relive the story of a lifetime in a magical tour straight out of your memories and dreams: a grand reopening of a store that never really closed in the hearts of those who loved it.

Who killed Polish Lou, the famous Prince of Polka Music? His daughter, musicologist Lottie Kachowski, comes home to the polka heartland of Johnstown, Pennsylvania, to find the answer. Lottie has an unbeatable talent for using music to solve crimes, and she does just that on the trail of her father's killer. But the stakes turn deadlier than ever when another polka legend comes to a tragic end. As the danger rises, Lottie recruits her father's wacky girlfriend, Polish Peg, to help her dig deeper into the wild world of small town polka.

A gang of vicious scalpers roams the Arizona territory in the Old West, slaughtering town after town. Only one man stands in their way: a sword-wielding Arabian knight named Badr al-Medina. To stop the scalpers' killing spree, Badr makes a stand at the next town in their path, Oasis...only to find the place hip-deep in corruption that could turn his fight into a suicide mission. But surprising new allies give Badr fresh hope, as he unleashes the power of his Damascus steel sword, his six-shooter revolvers, and his fiery faith in an all-out war in the blood-soaked streets of Oasis.

Judd the popular 17-year-old jock has it all figured out. He's the star of his school, the top of the heap...but then the world starts changing around him and won't stop. Without explanation, everyone turns into purple furries...then gas-blasting puffballs...then neurotic lizards. Every time Judd falls asleep, he wakes up in a new and crazier world--a world of godlike super-teens, teenage serial killers, duck people, nudists, monsters, and more. It's like a twisted video game without rhyme or reason.

Eleven-year-old Jack wants one thing for Christmas: to find out where his grandfather, Bub, runs off to every Christmas Eve. The trail leads him on a journey through Glosser Bros. at its most magical, but the magic takes an unexpected turn when he discovers Bub's secret. Before the night is over, Jack must take a stand in the name of Johnstown, a stand that could cost him everything...or bring him the greatest gift he can imagine.

Being trapped in a book can be a nightmare - just ask Idea Deity. He's convinced that he exists only in the pages of a novel written by a malevolent author . . . and that he will die in Chapter 64. Meanwhile, Reacher Mirage, lead singer of the secret rock band Youforia, can't figure out who's posting information about him and his band online that only he should know. Someone seems to be pulling the strings of both teens' lives...and they're not too happy about it.

The Red Battlenauts show no mercy. Roaring out of the darkness of deep space, these ultra-high tech war machines pound the hell out of both sides in a bloody interstellar civil war. No one can even SEE the Reds - no one except Marine Corporal Solomon Scott. Recruited by the hardcore SEAL-like Diamondbacks, Scott becomes a secret weapon in the ultimate struggle for survival. In battle after battle on perilous alien worlds, Scott and the Diamondbacks fight back against the ruthless Reds, desperately holding the line in furious clashes of muscle and metal.

One mistake by space linguist Jalila could cost an alien species their lives. The crew of the starship IBN BATTUTA has 24 hours to prepare the people of planet Vox to face an approaching invasion fleet. But when Jalila mistakenly uses a forbidden slur, the Vox locals attack their supposed saviors. Drawn into a violent revolution, a "war of words" to decide language dominance, Jalila must rely on other resources when deprived of communication technology and even the power of speech.

Where do superstars go when they die? A special Heaven, of course, where the music and parties go on forever. But when Stag the movie star gets there, he soon discovers that all is not as it seems. Hidden horrors lurk around every corner, and every angel has a devil inside. Worst of all, a deadly menace brews in Heaven's heart, a force of pure evil about to turn both Heaven and Earth into full-on, blistering hells.

In this first-in-a-series urban fantasy, sexy private eye Gaia Charmer brings new meaning to the words "Earth Angel." This mysterious (and bipolar) bombshell has the power of the Earth itself at her fingertips, but the murder of her best friend knocks her world off its axis. Out for blood on the killer's trail, Gaia and a tough-as-nails rock hound sheriff must overcome Landkind - a secret society of movers and shakers with the hearts and minds of landforms (mountains, rivers, islands, etc.) - and a vicious enemy with the key to her true identity.

Welcome to the world of MadScientist Meets Cannibal. Where else can you come face to face with a giant rhinoporcupine? Dream the future in a jazz tune from Hell? Hunt down outlaws who commit the crime of love? Eat a walking, talking human feast? Find passion behind the labcoat of a smoking hot mad scientist?

In these pages, RobertT. Jeschonek will take you on a tour of the wildest places and people you've never imagined.

Somewhere in the world, a genius builds a machine to bring mankind closer to God. Somewhere in time, another genius builds a cathedral with a mind of its own. Somewhere on the road, three searchers race a serial killer to find the man with the key to salvation. It takes the sound and fury of Day Nine to bring them all together. If God took six days to make the world and rested on Day Seven, humanity has spent Day Eight tearing it all apart. Everything changes on Day Nine, when we get it right at any cost…or lose everything.

What if you could have someone legally declared a dick? Simon Bellerophon does just that! When pain in the ass Horne Shaw pushes him too far, Simon sues to have him branded a dick...and wins, in the craziest court case ever. But that's just the beginning of this out-there, in-your-face comedy! When an anti-dick movement tries to stamp out all dicks, Horne leads a dick pride movement that takes the world by storm. But the wildest action explodes in Bermuda, at the First Annual International Dicklympics.

Meet Cary Beacon, a superhero in his own mind. Cary's mission to rescue his kidnapped stepkids leads him to Mexico, where he teams up with El Yucatango, a gonzo masked wrestler on a mission of vengeance. As Cary and El Yucatango fight the battle of their lives to save the kids, Cary's disappearance forces together his fractured family back home, torn apart by a fiery tragedy years ago. The parallel quests of Cary and his family link to an explosive moment in true-life history: the KKK's 1924 siege of the immigrant mining town of Lilly, Pennsylvania, which left a curse on the Beacon family.

Super-powered Hericane will stop at nothing to find out who killed the woman she loved. But when she teams with Bonnie Taggart, internal affairs investigator for the Superhuman Protectorate, the search leads in unexpected directions. Fighting their way through the darkest corners of Isosceles City, Hericane and Bonnie tear the truth from criminal chimpanzees, crooked promoters, and hateful cops, only to fall prey to a terrible trap.

Who's the grossest kid in the world? Tommy Puke, that's who! He fights off bullies with his mighty loogies...conquers jerks with his powerfulfarts...and sticks up for his pet skunk by driving off wild dogs with his blistering bad breath. What happens when he takes his new friend, Josh, on an epic quest to find the fabled prince of vomit, who might just be Tommy's brother? Action, laughs, and more disgusting gross-outs than you can shake a booger at!

Alice has had a lousy life since she left Wonderland. All grown up and trapped in an unhappy marriage, she longs to escape. But when she finally manages to leap through the mirror, she gets one twisted shock after another. Whatever happened to the crazy, charming Wonderland of her youth? This time, the Mad Hatter, Cheshire Cat, Mock Turtle, Humpty Dumpty, Tweedledum, and Tweedledee are out for blood. Something has warped the magical mystery realm, sending Alice reeling from one close shave to the next.

How can a teenage girl who's afraid of the water become queen of a kingdom above and under the sea? Raised on savage Shark Island, Cryssa Seachild escapes to her true home, a tropical Camelot protected by talking dolphin knights in shining armor. A dolphin knight named Seek helps Cryssa overcome her fear of the water and forge a new destiny as queen of land and sea...but Cryssa struggles with her dual heritage, torn between the ways of dolphins and sharks.

All-out war engulfs a distant quadrant of space. Hardcore warriors clash in high tech Battlenaut armor, pitting the ultimate fighting machines in epic struggles on a planetary scale. In the heart of this raging hell, the sleep-deprived Redeye squad fights harder than anyone. Pumped up on drugs, wired to the max, the Redeyes tear through enemy forces like berserk Vikings. But fatigue takes a toll, as the Redeyes start to see things that don't exist. And something that might exist after all....