Dr. Bethy Campbell joins Monica to explore the delicate dance of offering constructive criticism while maintaining positive relationships. Learn practical strategies for delivering feedback that empowers growth, builds trust, and respects autonomy.

Whether you're offering feedback as a manager, colleague, spouse, or friend, this episode provides pro-level strategies that will transform your communication and foster meaningful change in others.

Key Takeaways

1. We earn the right to be able to offer feedback by focusing on the relationship first and establishing connection.
2. Always precede constructive feedback with genuine praise to build trust and boost self-efficacy.
3. Avoid using "but" when transitioning from praise to constructive feedback, as it tends to negate everything that came before.
4. Frame constructive feedback positively by encouraging specific alternative behaviors rather than simply telling someone to stop doing something.
5. When giving feedback, "strike when the iron is cold" to ensure emotions are not running high and both parties are receptive.

Related Listening

Ep #140: Growth Factor: How to ask for (and receive) feedback

Links

Life Directions Consulting with Dr. Bethy Campbell

Meet me in Nashville for the ISCEBS Symposium

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Change is challenging, for all kinds of different reasons. But one thing that can make it more challenging than it actually needs to be is when we insist on going it alone.

Whether you're aiming to improve your health, boost your productivity, or cultivate a new skill, having a solid support strategy can be the difference between frustration and success.

But getting the people around you to support you in ways that you find supportive can be challenging. Here are some ways to set yourself up for success.

Key Takeaways

1. Be specific when asking for support from friends and family. Don't expect them to read your mind – tell them exactly how they can help.
2. Remember that unsupportive behavior from others is often more about their own insecurities than about you.
3. Curate your environment to reflect the person you're becoming. Remove obstacles and add elements that propel you towards your goals.
4. Seek out people who share your goals and motivations and are actively pursuing the kinds of things you want to incorporate in your life.

Work with Me

30 Day Nutrition Upgrade

Weighless Program

Keynotes and Workshops

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Dr. Michelle Segar is an NIH-funded researcher at the University of Michigan. She’s also a best-selling author and health coach. She’s spent close to thirty years studying how to create sustainable changes and healthy behaviors that can survive the complexity and unpredictability of the real world.

In this episode, Monica talks with Dr. Segar about her newest book, The Joy Choice, as well as her 3-step process for staying on track even when life goes off the rails.

Highlights

• Why it is hard to follow through on our best intentions
• How research on ADHD has influenced behavior change
• The concept of Goal Shielding
• How working memory affects our behaviors and how we can leverage it
• Michelle's "POP" 3-step process and why play is such an important aspect of it

Mentioned

The Joy Choice, by Michelle Segar

MichelleSegar.com

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Goals come in different flavors--and they don’t all work same way. By understanding the differences, we can uncover ways in which our goals may be a bit fuzzy, lacking support, in conflict with one another, or even just out of balance. That insight can help us fine-tune our efforts, helping us create lives that are healthier, happier, more productive, and more meaningful!

Key Takeaways:

• Make sure that your emotional and outcome goals are supported by specific behavioral goals.
• There’s an important difference between emotional goals (how we want to feel in our lives) and the desire to simply “feel better right now,” which can often lead us to act in ways that thwart our progress toward our actual goals.
• It can be hard to stay motivated by behavioral goals alone, so try to be clear on what emotional or outcome goals your behavioral goals are in service of.
• We also want to check our goals for alignment with our other goals and our values and adjust as necessary.

Lab Experiment:

Make a list of your current goals, objectives and aspirations and sort them into behavioral, emotional, and outcome goals.

• Does one category dominate your list?
• If most of your goals are behavioral, what sort of outcome or emotional goals will these behaviors lead to?
• Are your emotional goals supported by behavioral goals?
• Are your outcome goals supported by specific behavioral goals?
• Why do these outcomes matter to you; how do they align with your values and long-term vision?
• What emotional goals might your outcome goals serve?
• Do you have goals that are in conflict with one another? Can these two goals co-exist?
• If not, how do your values suggest you ought to proceed?
• Do your goals reflect the things you care about most? Do they bring you closer to a life that is aligned with your deepest values?

Mentioned

Weighless Program for sustainable weight management

Overcoming stress and emotional eating

Happiness Trap by Russ Harris

Ep #146: Sense foraging: How to do an end run around the DMN

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The Default Mode Network, or DMN, is the part of your brain that drives your habitual actions and thoughts. When we feel “stuck” in unwanted behaviors or thought patterns, the DMN is running the show.

You might think that the solution would be to somehow ratchet down DMN activity. Unfortunately, this is almost impossible to do. But it turns out that there’s a surprisingly simple way to do an end run around that pesky DMN, and open up possibilities that have eluded us before.

Key Takeaways

1. Recognize your DMN at work: Next time you find yourself stuck in a negative thought loop or unwanted behavior, pause and acknowledge that this might be your Default Mode Network (DMN) running on autopilot.
2. Engage your senses to shift your mindset: When stress or old habits threaten to take over, try the "5-4-3" exercise: Observe 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, and 3 things you can hear. This simple practice can help break the DMN's hold.
3. Embrace novelty in your routine: Look for small ways to introduce variety into your daily life, like taking a different route to work or trying a new type of exercise. Remember, even minor changes can boost your mood and broaden your perspective.
4. Practice intentional sense foraging: Set aside time each day to deliberately tune into your sensory experiences. This doesn't require anything special - just pay attention to the sights, sounds, and sensations around you in everyday moments.
5. Understand how stress affects your perception. When you're feeling overwhelmed, remember that stress can dampen your sensory perception. Try to counteract this by consciously tuning into your environment through your senses.

Mentioned

Better in Every Sense: How the New Science of Sensation Can Help You Reclaim Your Life, by Norm Farb and Zindel Segal

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There's definitely an art to planning. And we'll get into that in this episode. But here’s the thing everyone forgets to tell you about planning: The real trick is actually not in making the plan. The real trick is in sticking to the plan you’ve made. We'll talk about why that is so darned hard--and how to get better at following through on your plans.

Key Takeaways

1. Planning provides structure, focus, and accountability. Without a plan, it's too easy for your goals and intentions to get lost in the shuffle of daily life.
2. Having contingency plans allows you to adapt when obstacles arise, maintaining momentum and flexibility.
3. Remember to be kind to your future self when making plans. Create plans that include not only productive tasks but also rest, relaxation, and treats.
4. Even if your plans are not perfect, the act of sticking to them anyway (until you can adjust them) reinforces your identity as someone who keeps their commitments–even to themselves.

Mentioned
- Episode #138: Why goals are not always enough

- Have a nagging question or a problem you’re running up against, or just something you’ve noticed and want to share? Send an email or leave a voicemail and I’ll discuss it (anonymously) in a future episode.

- Learn more about the Weighless Program

Interested in having Monica present at your next live or virtual event? Learn more.

Being curious about our experiences (both internal and external) really is key to unlocking our progress and potential. But to be honest, it’s a tricky one.

Certain mental reactions often masquerade as genuine curiosity. In this episode, you'll learn to recognize these imposters and pivot instead to the kind of inquiry that actually moves you forward instead of leaving you stuck in the same old repeating patterns.

Key Takeaways

1. The goal of curiosity is less about explaining what happened and more about exploring what might happen next.
2. Don't be in a rush to get to "the answer." By slowing down the process we can access information that might not be immediately apparent.
3. When we need something to be a certain way, it’s hard to see what it actually is.
4. The partner to curiosity is flexibility, looking for multiple ways to pursue an outcome. (Chances are, you'll need them all eventually).
5. Not everything will work but, if we can be curious, everything can contribute to your success.

Mentioned

Learn more about the Weighless Program

Have a nagging question or a problem you’re running up against, or just something you’ve noticed and want to share? Send an email or leave a voicemail and I'll discuss it (anonymously) in a future episode

Interested in having Monica present at your next live or virtual event? Learn more.

I'm betting you aspire to a future life that is at least a little bit better than it is now—perhaps you'll be a bit healthier, less stressed, more content. You're working towards a future in which you have achieved certain goals or milestones.

What we don't always realize (or fully acknowledge) is that the choices we make today, the actions we do or do not take, are actually creating that future. For better or worse. Let’s make sure that Future You doesn’t look back at today’s choices with regret.

Key Takeaways

1. Stop waiting for the "perfect time" to start working towards your goals – resolve to begin today.
2. Remember that obstacles and challenges are part of life's fabric, not temporary disruptions. Learn to progress despite them.
3. Be aware of how often you prioritize others' needs over your own goals and the impact this may have on your life's trajectory.
4. Commit to taking action, even if you're unsure of the perfect first step. Action often leads to clarity.
5. Be willing to tolerate the discomfort of developing new skills or habits, rather than avoiding it and deferring your progress.
6. It's important not to just visualize your end goal, but also the daily effort required to achieve it.

Mentioned

Change Academy #139: Finding your why
Change Academy #106 Why insight isn’t enough
Change Academy #6: The hidden cost of unmet goals

Join us in the Weighless program

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