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Ride with us... for our pleasure... as we pursue the Tooth Fairy in Thomas Harris' "Red Dragon."

Learn how eating centuries old watercolors can improve your gut microbiome, which brand of fast dissolving toilet paper is best for letter writing, and which aftershave to pick for a trip to visit the wonderful Hannibal Lecter.

Plus, we are really excited to finally have a reason to talk about NBC's "Hannibal." I mean, have you seen it? It's so good!

We make sure to tag and bag all the evidence on this one (including that block of cheese), so be ready for spoilers if you are new to the Lecter-verse. No, I don't think Lecter-verse will catch on, but maybe the LCU (Lecter Cinematic Universe)?

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In a big country dreams stay with you, but so do the misdeeds of the past if Stephen Graham Jones' "The Only Good Indians" has anything to say about it.

Hop in our pickup truck (once we get it off the cinder blocks) as we talk about visits to the local recycling center, opening up a brand new Circuit City, and where Slimer falls on that loathsome BMI.

As always, we trample through the whole plot, spoiling it as we go. Then again, you're probably just here to talk about Kurt Russell, and that's fine.

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Drop on by for an open house tour of Brian Asman's "Man, F*** This House." (Please take your shoes off, the carpet is brand new.)

We talk about the need for really "good bones" in this episode, and even bone structure, as the Crypt Keeper tries out Korean skincare routines, we recount actual haunted houses we have lived in, and we even give tips on how to cover up book titles with sticky notes for the benefit of any onlookers with delicate constitutions.

You can hire an inspector after your offer is accepted, but right away we should disclose that we spoil the whole plot of the novella in this episode. So, if you want to do a final walkthrough, great. Otherwise, buyer beware!