Weddings are thorny right? From trying to juggle bridesmaids to trying to juggle feminism; from in-law relationships to marquee costs to eco-guilt.

Of course, weddings are also incredible but sometimes the lead-up and the day itself can be unforgettable in all the worst ways. Well we've tackled every aspect of pre-wedding stress over the last 10 episodes and 6 guest specials of The Thing About That and now it's time to close the door on this particular topic. We've discussed: Why would a modern woman even choose to get married? In heterosexual couples, should a woman still be taking a man's surname? How can the Wedding Dress industry shake off the ugly shackles of diet culture? We've heard from elopement photographers, female proposers, Hindu-Punjabi divorcees and gay grooms.  It's been fascinating and joyful. But in this episode, Becca, Hettie and Lucy break down the lessons learnt over the past series, from understanding the value of involving your parents and in-laws to learning about how to be more sustainable in your event-planning choices.

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss upcoming series from The Thing About That.

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Series 1, Episode 11 length: 52 mins 19 seconds

What have we learnt? (01:35)

• Balancing your own feelings and the feelings of others in the wedding context 
• What is the social function of getting married if not to involve your family and people you love
• Shobna Gulati, Amy Anaiz and Freddie Hutchins - the importance of family and community in a wedding.
• Lesson 1: You can’t please all people all the time

How does our image of marriage still need to change? (11:22)

• Books, films, TV need to show relationships that do not end in marriage
• Social responsibility to avoid clichéd questions when talking to engaged people

In what way has our thinking changed because of this podcast (14:14)

• Becoming more analytical in one's thinking, which does not actually lead to an easier life.
• The division of labour when it comes to planning a wedding has still got a long way to go: It should not just be on the woman to deconstruct old traditions.
• “Feminists alike, if they’re worth their salt, will want you just to feel like you have the option.”
• Bringing awareness back to the sustainability of the day. How do our everyday values just fall off a cliff when we start planning a wedding?

Know where the individuals desires of a wedding come from (27:43)

• Does one person in the couple want the big wedding day more than another? That’s ok. Know who that is and what the drive for the day is. Accept that.

Wedding-planning as great marriage-training (31:28)

• Learn what you can from the hard conversations and the tricky decisions involved in planning a wedding day.
• Teaches you what is important to both of you.

Analysing the experience of making a podcast (36:11)

• Podcasting as a creative outlet to balance out the professional side of your life
• Bonding with strangers around the world
• Learning about one’s own strengths and weaknesses

Favourite episode from the series (42:30)

• Becca’s choice: Elopements with Maddie-Mae from Adventure Instead.
• Lucy’s choice: Proposals
• Hettie’s choice: Surnames and The Dress

Thank you for listening!

It's time to get a bit of wisdom and perspective from actress and author Shobna Gulati!

In this special episode of The Thing About That, we hear from Shobna Gulati, star of Coronation Street, Dinnerladies and Everybody's Talking About Jamie. She opens up about the expectations of marriage within her Hindu Punjabi family, what her favourite bits of a Hindu wedding are and what happens when your marriage doesn't actually last forever...

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss any of our other episodes.

Email us on thethingaboutthatpodcast@gmail.com or comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation.

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Guest Special length: 34 mins 36 seconds

Marriage expectations within a North Indian family (02:24)

• Cultural pressures added to patriarchal pressures.
• Match-making and rishta. What makes a good match?
• When losing a father pushes you into the arms of a husband too quickly.

Gender specific pressures (09:32)

• Why hasn't the world caught up with the idea that you can be an unmarried woman and secure.
• Expectation to join the Indian Society at university and meet a husband there.

Shobna's favourite hallmarks of a Hindu wedding (12:01)

• Promises around the fire.
• Enormous guest lists of people you don't necessarily know.
• Mehndi ceremonies and beautifying the bride and groom. 

What happens after divorce? (19:51)

• Is your identity tied up in your relationship with your husband?
• Sense of injustice and guilt when the marriage didn't work out.
• The idea of a marriageable age.
• Kamala Harris: "I'm speaking now."

The finances of a Hindu wedding (28:20)

• Bollywood productions.
• Dowries.

Punjabi wedding traditions (29:30)

• Girls stealing the man's shoes, like bridesmaid gifts.
• Bringing the family in and joining 2 families together. 

And you can find Shobna's book Remember Me? here: https://blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/product/Remember-Me-by-Shobna-Gulati-author/9781788402477

Thank you for listening!

Shall we let the boys have a say...?

In today's episode of The Thing About That you'll finally hear from the fiancés/husband elects/star partners of our 3 hosts, Becca, Hettie and Lucy. For a whole series we've spoken on their behalf and laid bare our own souls, sometimes at their expense! But now we're giving them the floor. How did Ben respond when Becca caught him picking an engagement ring? When did Jacob decide to take Hettie's surname? What incentivised Tris to propose within 8 months and was Lucy's reaction distressing? How can you actively combat toxic masculinity in your romantic choices?  Why might you still choose to ask a father's permission to marry his daughter in this day and age? We force the men to talk about and contemplate weddings just as much as we women find ourselves forced to contemplate the subject on a daily basis. 

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! And if you've missed our earlier episodes, Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss any forthcoming episodes. 

Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:

Follow us on twitter & Instagram: @TTAT_Podcast

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Guest Special 5 length: 56 mins 38 seconds

Hettie talks to the future Mr Becca (00:40)

• Picking the engagement ring.
• How to surprise a partner who loves to be in control.

Lucy talks to the future Mr Hettie (05:22)

• Love at first sight.
• Difficult conversations with family members over certain wedding choices.
• Combatting toxic masculinity: How it feels to be a man taking his wife's surname.

Becca talks to the future Mr Lucy (38:37)

• The ease of marriage for a heterosexual male.
• Proposing within a year of meeting.
• First-hand experience of asking a father's permission.
  

Recommendations mentioned in the episode:

Untamed by Glennon Doyle.

Thank you for listening!