Weddings are thorny right? From trying to juggle bridesmaids to trying to juggle feminism; from in-law relationships to marquee costs to eco-guilt.

Of course, weddings are also incredible but sometimes the lead-up and the day itself can be unforgettable in all the worst ways. Well we've tackled every aspect of pre-wedding stress over the last 10 episodes and 6 guest specials of The Thing About That and now it's time to close the door on this particular topic. We've discussed: Why would a modern woman even choose to get married? In heterosexual couples, should a woman still be taking a man's surname? How can the Wedding Dress industry shake off the ugly shackles of diet culture? We've heard from elopement photographers, female proposers, Hindu-Punjabi divorcees and gay grooms.  It's been fascinating and joyful. But in this episode, Becca, Hettie and Lucy break down the lessons learnt over the past series, from understanding the value of involving your parents and in-laws to learning about how to be more sustainable in your event-planning choices.

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss upcoming series from The Thing About That.

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Series 1, Episode 11 length: 52 mins 19 seconds

What have we learnt? (01:35)

• Balancing your own feelings and the feelings of others in the wedding context 
• What is the social function of getting married if not to involve your family and people you love
• Shobna Gulati, Amy Anaiz and Freddie Hutchins - the importance of family and community in a wedding.
• Lesson 1: You can’t please all people all the time

How does our image of marriage still need to change? (11:22)

• Books, films, TV need to show relationships that do not end in marriage
• Social responsibility to avoid clichéd questions when talking to engaged people

In what way has our thinking changed because of this podcast (14:14)

• Becoming more analytical in one's thinking, which does not actually lead to an easier life.
• The division of labour when it comes to planning a wedding has still got a long way to go: It should not just be on the woman to deconstruct old traditions.
• “Feminists alike, if they’re worth their salt, will want you just to feel like you have the option.”
• Bringing awareness back to the sustainability of the day. How do our everyday values just fall off a cliff when we start planning a wedding?

Know where the individuals desires of a wedding come from (27:43)

• Does one person in the couple want the big wedding day more than another? That’s ok. Know who that is and what the drive for the day is. Accept that.

Wedding-planning as great marriage-training (31:28)

• Learn what you can from the hard conversations and the tricky decisions involved in planning a wedding day.
• Teaches you what is important to both of you.

Analysing the experience of making a podcast (36:11)

• Podcasting as a creative outlet to balance out the professional side of your life
• Bonding with strangers around the world
• Learning about one’s own strengths and weaknesses

Favourite episode from the series (42:30)

• Becca’s choice: Elopements with Maddie-Mae from Adventure Instead.
• Lucy’s choice: Proposals
• Hettie’s choice: Surnames and The Dress

Thank you for listening!

It's time to get a bit of wisdom and perspective from actress and author Shobna Gulati!

In this special episode of The Thing About That, we hear from Shobna Gulati, star of Coronation Street, Dinnerladies and Everybody's Talking About Jamie. She opens up about the expectations of marriage within her Hindu Punjabi family, what her favourite bits of a Hindu wedding are and what happens when your marriage doesn't actually last forever...

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss any of our other episodes.

Email us on thethingaboutthatpodcast@gmail.com or comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation.

Follow us on twitter & instagram: @TTAT_Podcast

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Guest Special length: 34 mins 36 seconds

Marriage expectations within a North Indian family (02:24)

• Cultural pressures added to patriarchal pressures.
• Match-making and rishta. What makes a good match?
• When losing a father pushes you into the arms of a husband too quickly.

Gender specific pressures (09:32)

• Why hasn't the world caught up with the idea that you can be an unmarried woman and secure.
• Expectation to join the Indian Society at university and meet a husband there.

Shobna's favourite hallmarks of a Hindu wedding (12:01)

• Promises around the fire.
• Enormous guest lists of people you don't necessarily know.
• Mehndi ceremonies and beautifying the bride and groom. 

What happens after divorce? (19:51)

• Is your identity tied up in your relationship with your husband?
• Sense of injustice and guilt when the marriage didn't work out.
• The idea of a marriageable age.
• Kamala Harris: "I'm speaking now."

The finances of a Hindu wedding (28:20)

• Bollywood productions.
• Dowries.

Punjabi wedding traditions (29:30)

• Girls stealing the man's shoes, like bridesmaid gifts.
• Bringing the family in and joining 2 families together. 

And you can find Shobna's book Remember Me? here: https://blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/product/Remember-Me-by-Shobna-Gulati-author/9781788402477

Thank you for listening!

Shall we let the boys have a say...?

In today's episode of The Thing About That you'll finally hear from the fiancés/husband elects/star partners of our 3 hosts, Becca, Hettie and Lucy. For a whole series we've spoken on their behalf and laid bare our own souls, sometimes at their expense! But now we're giving them the floor. How did Ben respond when Becca caught him picking an engagement ring? When did Jacob decide to take Hettie's surname? What incentivised Tris to propose within 8 months and was Lucy's reaction distressing? How can you actively combat toxic masculinity in your romantic choices?  Why might you still choose to ask a father's permission to marry his daughter in this day and age? We force the men to talk about and contemplate weddings just as much as we women find ourselves forced to contemplate the subject on a daily basis. 

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! And if you've missed our earlier episodes, Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss any forthcoming episodes. 

Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:

Follow us on twitter & Instagram: @TTAT_Podcast

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Guest Special 5 length: 56 mins 38 seconds

Hettie talks to the future Mr Becca (00:40)

• Picking the engagement ring.
• How to surprise a partner who loves to be in control.

Lucy talks to the future Mr Hettie (05:22)

• Love at first sight.
• Difficult conversations with family members over certain wedding choices.
• Combatting toxic masculinity: How it feels to be a man taking his wife's surname.

Becca talks to the future Mr Lucy (38:37)

• The ease of marriage for a heterosexual male.
• Proposing within a year of meeting.
• First-hand experience of asking a father's permission.
  

Recommendations mentioned in the episode:

Untamed by Glennon Doyle.

Thank you for listening!

In this revolutionary new episode, we're ripping off the bandaid and talking wedding finance!

In Series 1, Episode 10, Lucy, Becca and Hettie Allen open up their spreadsheets and their bank statements in a gesture never yet heard of on a wedding-planning podcast. Or any podcast for that matter. In an effort to make sure that men and women who are going through the wedding circus are enlightened and empowered, we're going to be super honest and candid about the numbers we're spending on all the big hitters of a wedding. From food and drink, to music and marquees, as well as all those hidden smaller costs of a wedding that you never predict.

Take a listen and drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also please subscribe and stay with us on this crazy journey!

You can comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:

Follow us on twitter & Instagram: @TTAT_Podcast

Follow us on facebook: @TheThingAboutThatPodcast

Series 1, Episode 10 length: 53 mins 47 seconds

13:00 - Catering 

19:12 - Venue & marquees

27:03 - Flowers

31:06 - Alcohol

33:00 - Bridesmaid Outfits / Hair and Make-up / Funding accommodation for others

39:53 - Wedding Dress

43:44 - Photographer

46:46 - Band / Entertainment

50:03 - Admin fees

Thank you for listening!

We've got all the top tips on how to make your wedding eco-friendly, and not 1 of them is about plastic straws...

The reality is that to truly go green on your big day, you really ought to not have a wedding at all! But if throwing an enormous event to celebrate your love is a non-negotiable, there are all sorts of things to consider if you want to make the day as kind to the planet as possible. And we at The Thing About That can help! When it comes to reducing your carbon footprint, there's loads to consider from plants vs. flowers to vegan menu choices to rental wedding dresses. With a little help from Stylist journalist Alessia Armenise, in Season 1 Episode 9 we lay down the law for you and give you a brilliant sustainable check-list to adhere to. 

Take a listen and drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also please subscribe and stay with us on this crazy journey!

You can comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:

Follow us on twitter & Instagram: @TTAT_Podcast

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Series 1, Episode 9 length: 47 mins 51 seconds

05:50 - Summary of tips

• Reduce your guest list
• Pick your location wisely
• Avoid imported flowers
• Source local food
• Second-hand bridal gowns

10:00 - The problem with the industry

• The wedding industry is all about newness and uniqueness, so we need to force them to change.

14:13 - Alternatives for wedding presents

• Your presence is our presents
• Donations to charities
• "Something old, nothing new, something borrowed, something renewed"

16:56 - Sharing/re-using

• Rent your bridal gown, but also encourage your guests to rent their outfits
• Can you share decorations/crockery with bride friends?

23:05 - Interview with Alessia Armenise

• International weddings are difficult
• Can guests travel to your wedding by train rather than plane
• Limit the stationary

25:06 - Lesson 1: HAVE FEWER PEOPLE

• Gathering large numbers of people in one place and entertaining them is an unsustainable activity.
• Request no gifts, or experiential gifts rather than material products.

28:58 - Lesson 2: PICK A BEAUTIFUL LOCATION THAT NEEDS NO EMBELLISHMENT

• Look at the location in a naked way and imagine how it would be with not that many things in it.

29:44 - Lesson 3: HOLD BACK ON THE FLOWERS!

• They are compostable, so throwing them away is not the issue so much as their location of origin.
• Big carbon footprint
• Use potted: lavender pots, lemon trees, olive trees.

32.09 - Lesson 4: SECOND-HAND OR RENTAL BRIDAL GOWNS

• One-wear fashion is the worst!
• Re-use by changing the hem or dying a different colour
• Vintage dresses or second-hand bridal boutiques in Hackney, East London

35:16 - Time for sustainable wedding planners

• The challenge of keeping all the activity spikes of a wedding without being unsustainable
• Don’t have a wedding that needs a Plan B.

42:06 - Lesson 5: BUY LOCAL

• To vegan or not to vegan: vegetarian and vegan wedding menus are not always as sustainable as meat from a more local region.
• Vegan can be a bold choice to make without getting your guests’ back up.

42:40 - Don’t let perfect be the enemy of the good.

Find Alessia Armenise here:

www.prettyslow.life

@alessiaarmenise

Thank you for listening!

Same-sex weddings are leading the charge in tradition-breaking days!

In this special episode of The Thing About That, we chat to theatre actor and bezzie mate of Lucy Eaton: Freddie Hutchins. He talks candidly about all the ups and downs of planning his beautiful autumnal wedding in Kew Gardens, London, as a gay man. As well as getting some crazy helpful tips on how to delegate roles amongst your bridal party and what is best to spend your money on (btw it's a photographer), we analyse why LGBTQ+ weddings are some of the most liberating experiences. There's no antiquated blueprint to follow, no specific bride and groom so the pressures are less. Why can't we all just start from a similarly open-minded base line? How different would weddings look if we could?

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our upcoming guest episodes.

Email us on thethingaboutthatpodcast@gmail.com or comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation.

Follow us on twitter & instagram: @TTAT_Podcast

Follow us on facebook: @TheThingAboutThatPodcast

Guest Special 3 length: 41 mins 52 seconds

Meet Freddie and Oli (01:15)

That "fearing a proposal" feeling (03:02)

• "I did live in terror of him getting down on one knee!"
• Why do we always panic in a romantic setting that a proposal is coming?

As a same-sex couple, was it always clear which of you would take the initiative on proposing? (04:04)

Why marriage? (04:40)

• When you're distrustful of the idea of marriage, feeling ok with it for the other person is the final test.
• "I don't want to do this because it is the right thing to do."
• No engagement rings

How involved were family and friends? (07:51)

• Lucky to have family "who fully love and support us as gay men."
• Generational differences, such as parents asking "which of you is the bride?"

Same-sex marriages leading to a more open-minded, instinctive planning experience (13:00)

• 2 men getting married immediately means there is less of a blueprint.
• Pressure to follow old traditions is slightly gone.

When is tradition helpful? (17:40)

• Having a blue-print of a ceremony can be helpful in manipulating emotion and structuring a service.
• When you remove hymns from a service, how do you get everybody to sing together?
• Alternative songs for group singing: Five Gold Rings, Yellow Submarine.
• How to guide your registrar or vicar to get your tone in the ceremony.

What was restrictive in the process as a homosexual groom (21:28)

• Very little: "We were able to escape the wedding mania that is piled onto straight people getting married."
• Know what to fight for / what is important with your venue and team

Multiple brief speeches (26:30)

• 5-minute maximum speeches from various family and friends.
• How to give your VIP guests roles. Know when to delegate roles.

What if you're a bride or groom who hates being the centre of attention? (30:50)

• Bring all your friends into the creation and planning, so the day is about them as much as you.
• Reading, singing, witnessing, recording, cake making etc.
• But ALWAYS HIRE A PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER!

You can find Freddie's recommendation Bride Book here: www.bridebook.co.uk

Thank you for listening!

A fiercely honest and joyful chat with Afro-latina photographer Amy Anaiz?? Yes please!

Amy is a New York City based wedding photographer, who specialises in intimate weddings in fabulous city locations. She's been featured in the New York Times, Brides, Buzzfeed, Huffington Post, The Knot, E! and TLC! She loves to capture and celebrate brides and grooms of all shapes and colours, and today's special episode delves into the tough and thorny conversations in the wedding industry today, holding no punches. Why does the industry still look so white? And what are the worst aspects of being a wedding photographer?

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our upcoming guest episodes with  industry professionals, gay grooms and even our very own husband elects!

Email us on thethingaboutthatpodcast@gmail.com or comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation. 

Follow us on twitter & instagram: @TTAT_Podcast

Follow u on facebook: @TheThingAboutThatPodcast

Guest Special 3 length: 35 mins 31 seconds

Does photographing weddings make you more or less of a romantic (01:28)

Why is the classic bride in all imagery white? (02:35)

• How Amy prioritised showing people of colour in her bridal photography.
• The media's response to imagery showing darker-skinned models.
• Skills required to capture the curvy bride and how to perfectly photograph a multi-racial couple.

Female photographer vs male photographer (08:25)

• Why might a bride want a female behind the lens
• Resisting the male gaze
• Differences between male and female photography work

Photographing the groom (11:55)

• How are men changing in regards to their view of how to present themselves and document themselves on the day?
• Let's bring the man to the front of the picture too! It's time for them to be the lead actor alongside women, rather than the supporting cast.
• Why does Amy choose to make contact with the bride rather than the groom (in a heteronormative marriage)

Elopements so white (16:30)

• Why super-small weddings are less appealing to the black community.
• The importance of families and the tradition of the large African wedding.
• Marriage as a joining of entire communities as well as a promise between 2 individuals.

Worst parts of being a wedding photographer (20:25)

• Groomsmen hitting on you at the reception
• Contractual clauses to state that harassment means Amy and her team can remove themselves from the event.

Uncomfortable, important conversations about equality and race  (23:20)

• Amy's book club and her desire to offer a safe space for white friends to understand their role in the BLM movement.
• How can wedding vendors support their black colleagues.
• Black businesses finally being seen on an equal plain.
• Advice for vendors working with clients from a different cultural background.

Amy's favourite wedding (32:31)

• Tosin and Dave's marriage between Jewish American groom and Nigerian American bride. 
• How to create a wedding that merges cultures perfectly.

And you can find Amy at:

www.amyanaiz.com

@amyanaizphoto

And here's that wonderful favourite wedding: https://amyanaiz.com/the-foundry-long-island-city-new-york-wedding-amy-anaiz

Thank you for listening!

"BRIDE-TO-BE!" sashes, willy straws and a healthy dose of friendship rivalry: it must be a hen do!

Today we break down hen dos, stag dos, bachelorette parties, bridal showers... whatever you wanna call them! From the sentimental (memory books) to the sordid (strippers) and everything in-between (the obligatory lasagne and garlic bread night), we ask all the important questions on Season 1, Episode 8 of The Thing About That. What actually is the purpose of a hen do? What's with the highly-sexed heteronormative traditions? Would you rather plan it yourself or have the whole thing a surprise? Lucy is angry, Hettie is cautious and Becca is still traumatised from one particular hen-do memory, which you simply HAVE to listen to. Whether you're a bride-to-be or a groom-to-be or a bridesmaid or a wedding guest, you'll relate. 

Take a listen and then drop us a review or give us a cheeky star-rating! Also be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss our final guest episodes, where we're talking to wedding planners and the husband elects: Ben, Jacob and Tris!

Comment on our social media accounts with your questions and suggestions for future conversation:

Follow us on twitter & Instagram: @TTAT_Podcast

Follow us on facebook: @TheThingAboutThatPodcast

Series 1, Episode 8 length: 36 mins 09 seconds

Virtual Hen-dos during lockdown (02:09)

• Joint hens and stags (hag-dos.)
• Why do we separate the genders?

The purpose of a bachelor or bachelorette party (05:22)

• Helping all your friends to get to know each other before the wedding.
• Gender-division: boy-time or girl-time.
• Celebrating your "last night of freedom."
• FOR the friends. They want to celebrate you getting married.

The pressures of a hen-do (11:08)

• Friends feeling like they have to plan the most thoughtful, intimate gathering ever.

Gender balance (12:10)

• Hen pressures VS stag pressures. Female VS male.
• Women feeling more emotionally pressured to prove their love.
• Men more chilled out, but as such, occasionally neglectful.

Other people's opinions (16:40)

• Even in the bachelor and bachelorette party, everyone weighs in with their thoughts.
• Becca describes the reaction to planning a joint hen/stag do.

A traditional hen-do (18:38)

• Feminine energy differentiates it from other parties.

The uncontrollable expense and length of hens and stags (19:35)

• How can we keep the price down?
• How to control your anger!
• The exhausting energy of being on form with people you don't know for a whole weekend.
• Money means different things to different people.

The enemy is activities (22:00)

• The average hen party in the UK costs £357.
• How to plan a calmer event that still kicks ass.
• Advice on being clear with your bridal party as to what you're expecting, whether big or small.

The uncomfortably sexualised heteronormative style of hens and stags (29:32)

• Does anybody enjoy it when the stripper appears?
• Hilarious tales of uncomfortable hen do / bachelorette party moments.

Link to the Alessia Armenise article referenced by Lucy: https://www.stylist.co.uk/long-reads/hen-do-dread-cost-friendship-weddings-bachelorette-parties/312662

Thank you for listening!