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Walking on Eggshells is a concept we use to describe the extreme hypersensitivity parents feel when their relationship with their adult child is faltering. It means being hyper-aware or fearful of saying or doing anything that might upset the estranged child, often to avoid further damage to an already fragile relationship. This can lead to stress, frustration, and feelings of helplessness for parents.

One of the most frequent topics in our conversations is whether the noise and discomfort of the eggshell stage will always be part of a struggling relationship and how to get back to “normal.”

In the previous episode, we considered the first 1 - 10 reasons we benefit from the noise of our cracking eggshells. Now, we dig deep into reasons 11 -20.

As you listen, consider how you can harness your eggshells' crunching noise (and discomfort) to understand your adult child’s needs, boundaries and expectations. By embracing your eggshells (and theirs), you can learn how to relate differently and establish a trust-based and mutually gratifying relationship.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

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Unlike the short episode with the same title, this episode examines differences and similarities in how moms and dads describe their experiences and strategies for navigating estrangement.

I hesitate to categorize how we experience and navigate estrangement by our gender and family role. The concept oversimplifies and discounts the complexities of our individual, emotional, social, relational, cognitive and physical uniqueness.

So, for this episode, please consider your role in the family over your at-birth sex. If you have the role of nurturer, then consider listening as the traditional 'gatherer' or mom role. If you are more of the provider or 'hunter' than listen with an ear for the hunter role.

We are each shaped by societal expectations, assigned familial roles, and the people in our lives. We are taught what is right and wrong in the context of societal and family (the people who raise us) values - beliefs - traditions.

We grow up in different circumstances and bring our unique selves to our relationships. So, it makes sense that we each have individual relationships with our children. Still, some elements (generally speaking) can be considered familial-role specific.

These differences and similarities can influence how we process the distancing of our adult son or daughter, respond to feelings of rejection, and prepare to be our best selves when opportunities to reconnect or connect present themselves. The same is true for our adult children—they see us and experience us as their parents through their unique lenses.

Please listen and let me know what you think. You can share your questions and comments at Janet@jesteinkamp or go to the When Our Adult Children Walk Away website and post a comment. I read and respond to all emails that reach my inbox.
Remember - be brave!

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.

In this episode, we dig into some of the differences and similarities of how moms and dads tell us they experience and navigate estrangement.

Yes, dads and moms often experience estrangement differently. And, in ways, similarly. Only... we know it isn't really that simple, right?

I hesitate to categorize how we experience and navigate estrangement by our gender. The concept oversimplifies and discounts the complexities of our individual, emotional, social, relational, cognitive and physical uniqueness.

We are each shaped by societal expectations, gender roles, and the people around us. We are taught what is right and wrong in the context of our families values. We each are raised in different circumstances and bring our unique selves as a whole to our relationships. So, it only makes sense that we each also have individual relationships with our children. And... still there are some elements (generally speaking) that can be considered gender specific.

These differences can influence how we process the distancing of our adult son or daughter, how we respond to feelings of rejection, and how we prepare to be our best selves when opportunities to reconnect or connect present themselves.

Take a listen and let me know what you think. Share your questions and comments at Janet@jesteinkamp.com. Or go to the When Our Adult Children Walk Away website and post a comment. I do read and respond to all email that finds it's way to my inbox. Thank you. And be brave!

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.

20 Reasons Walking on Egg Shells is a Gift - A Deep Dive Into Reasons 1-10 (Extended)

Walking on Eggshells is a concept we use to describe the extreme hypersensitivity parents feel when their relationship with their adult child is faltering. It means being hyper-aware or fearful of saying or doing anything that might upset the estranged child, often to avoid further damage to an already fragile relationship. This can lead to stress, frustration, and feelings of helplessness for parents. One of the most frequent questions I hear is whether the eggshells will always be a part of a struggling relationship. And how to get back to “normal”.

In this episode, I take a deep dive into 1 - 10 of the 20 aspects of walking on eggshells – and how to harness the crunching noise to understand your adult child’s boundaries. By embracing your eggshells (and theirs), you can learn how to relate differently and establish a trust-based and mutually gratifying relationship.

Look for the 2nd extended episode. In it I dig into 11-20 of the 20 Reasons Walking on Egg Shells is a Gift.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.

The "Let Them Go" movement grew out of the emerging phenomenon of parental and family estrangement. Originally the movement was based on positive acceptance, open minded awareness, and love. This movement emphasizes personal well-being and the right to distance oneself from harmful dynamics.

More recently, the movement has spun off a 2nd movement. We now hear from a “Let Them Go – Good Riddance” faction.

In this episode I provide an overview of originally intended “Let Them Go” philosophy.

In an extended episode, I will dig deep into the original spirit, how and why the movement morphed to include the “Good Riddance” offshoot. And we compare and contrast the potential outcomes of both.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.

Walking on Eggshells is a concept we use to describe the extreme hypersensitivity parents feel when their relationship with their adult child is faltering. It means being hyper-aware or fearful of saying or doing anything that might upset the estranged child, often to avoid further damage to an already fragile relationship. This can lead to stress, frustration, and feelings of helplessness for parents. One of the most frequent questions I hear is whether the eggshells will always be a part of a struggling relationship. And how to get back to “normal”. This episode introduces the 20 aspects of walking on eggshells – and how to harness the crunching noise to understand your adult child’s boundaries. By embracing your eggshells, you can learn how to relate differently and establish a trust based and mutually gratifying relationship

In two future extended episodes, I will dig into 1-10 and 11-20 of the Reasons Walking on Egg Shells is a Gift.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.

In this episode, I discuss six tips that will proactively ensure you give space to your adult child and avoid misrepresentation by others. This topic is a continuation of discussions about communication, how to maintain it, how to ensure direct access if and when either the parent or adult child is compelled to reach out, and how to ensure others represent you accurately to others who may also be in contact with your adult child. These tips will help ensure your communication is authentic, accurate, timely, and respectful. Using these tips, you can engage in proactive communication, demonstrate consistent behavior, and address any potential sources of misrepresentation directly.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.

In this episode, we consider avoiding or getting out of the habit of catastrophizing. You might be saying, “Hasn’t the worst already happened?” I suggest that it hasn’t. Or, maybe it’s more accurate to say that anticipating a catastrophe does not help move you toward preparing to repair and establish a new connection. Catastrophizing holds you in disbelief, anger and despair.

Catastrophizing is a common behavior that affects many people during times of stress. Well… when is life more stressful than when our adult child starts pulling away, stops communicating constructively or goes no contact?

The good news is that catastrophizing does not necessarily signal a mental health condition. In fact, preparing for the worst-case scenario can be a coping mechanism and defense mechanism.

However, it is also true that if it becomes a chronic habit or interferes with daily life and functioning, it may be a sign of depression or anxiety. If you find yourself unable to stop the worst-case cycling in your head, please consider finding a licensed mental health provider who can assist in quieting the cycle.

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.