RESOURCES

Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start Pattern Questions to Ask:

1. When was the first time ...
2. When was the last time...
3. What is a typical time?
4. What's the worst time?

Summary: In this episode, Julie Sedenko and relationship expert Leslie Vernick discuss how to recognize and address destructive relationships. Leslie highlights five key signs of a destructive relationship and offers advice on navigating these challenging situations.

1. Identifying Red Flags in Marriage

   • Explanation of common red flags that may indicate a relationship is becoming destructive.

2. Recognizing Patterns of Destructive Behavior

   • Importance of identifying repeat patterns in behavior that are harmful.
   • Differentiation between occasional mistakes and ongoing destructive patterns.

3. Sign One: Feeling Controlled

   • Indicators of control and manipulation in a relationship.
   • Psychological and emotional impact of being controlled.

4. Sign Two: Feeling Afraid

   • Understanding fear in non-physically abusive relationships.
   • Common fears and their effects on the dynamics of a relationship.

5. Sign Three: Feeling Confused

   • The role of gaslighting in causing confusion.
   • Strategies for regaining clarity and validating one’s own reality.

6. Sign Four: Feeling Objectified

   • Recognizing when one is being treated as an object rather than a partner.
   • The emotional toll of objectification.

7. Sign Five: Deception

   • Impact of chronic deception on trust and safety in a relationship.
   • Recognizing the signs of deceit and its consequences.

8. Navigating Deceptive and Manipulative Behavior

   • Dealing with duplicity and manipulation in relationships.
   • Strategies for protecting oneself and maintaining sanity.

9. Taking Control of Your Happiness

   • Personal anecdotes and empowerment stories.
   • Importance of self-celebration and taking charge of one’s own well-being.

10. Recognizing Destructive Patterns and Seeking Safety

    • Identifying patterns and understanding their frequency and intensity.
    • Assessing personal boundaries and safety measures.

In this episode of Relationship Truth Unfiltered, Dr. Stephanie Holmes, an autism researcher, life coach, and ordained minister, joins us to discuss the unique dynamics of neurodiverse marriages. Dr. Holmes brings her vast expertise and personal experience in navigating the challenges that couples face when one partner is on the autism spectrum. The conversation emphasizes understanding neurodiversity, the impact of late diagnoses on marriages, recognizing red flags, and practical advice for women feeling unheard or unloved in such relationships. Listeners will gain valuable insights into self-care, boundary-setting, and finding supportive communities within a Christian context.

• Understanding Neurodiversity

  • Explanation of neurodiverse and neurotypical terms.
  • Importance of recognizing different neurological wiring and its impact on relationships.

• Impact of Late Diagnosis

  • Effects of late autism spectrum diagnoses on marital relationships.
  • Historical context of autism diagnosis and its implications.

• Recognizing Red Flags

  • Identifying signs that a partner might be on the autism spectrum.
  • Need for reassessment for individuals diagnosed with ADHD before 2013.

• Challenges in Neurodiverse Marriages

  • Common struggles such as lack of emotional connection and communication issues.
  • Necessity for both partners to learn and adapt to each other's needs.

• Trauma and Neurodiverse Relationships

  • Understanding Trauma A (absence of good things) and Trauma B (presence of bad things) in neurodiverse marriages.
  • Impact of trauma on the neurotypical spouse and importance of addressing these issues.

• Counseling and Coaching

  • Benefits of coaching over traditional counseling for neurodiverse couples.
  • Importance of individual therapy and trauma work before starting couples work.

• Personal and Spiritual Growth

  • Encouraging women to set boundaries and seek self-care.
  • Finding identity and community support outside of the marriage.

• Final Advice

  • Practical tips for women feeling unheard or unloved in their relationships.
  • Recognizing and addressing the impact of a spouse's behavior on their well-being.

1. Raquel's Marriage

   • Rachel discusses the truth behind her marriage experiences

2. Emotional Abuse Unmasked

   • Revealing the signs and effects of emotional abuse

3. Raquel on Toxic Marriages

   • Insights on what makes a marriage toxic

4. Marriage Boundaries

   • Raquel’s story on setting and maintaining boundaries

5. Healing After Emotional Abuse

   • Steps and stories of healing post-abuse

6. Raquel's Marriage Lessons

   • Key lessons learned from her own marriage

7. Escaping Toxic Relationships

   • Strategies and advice for leaving toxic situations

8. Raquel's Guide to Boundaries

   • Comprehensive guide to establishing and enforcing boundaries

9. Toxic Marriage Insights

   • Additional insights on toxic relationships

10. Raquel's Truth on Marriage

    • Final thoughts and personal truths about marriage

• Honesty and Vulnerability in Friendships:

  • Initiating tough conversations about unmet needs is essential to gauge respect and mutual support.
  • Small “no” statements reveal whether a friend respects boundaries or tends toward manipulation or guilt-tripping.

• Guarding Your Heart:

  • Proverbs 4:23 emphasizes guarding your heart to prevent dependency on others for validation.
  • By making God the source of well-being, friendships become supportive without becoming the foundation of one’s self-worth.

• Understanding Friendships vs. Ministry Relationships:

  • Distinguishing between friendships, which are mutual and reciprocal, and ministry relationships, where giving is without expectation.
  • True friendships require both give-and-take, unlike ministry relationships, which may be one-sided.

• Establishing Healthy Boundaries:

  • Recognizing personal limits, such as the story of the “laundry lesson,” where a lack of boundaries led to silent resentment.
  • Knowing when to express needs and limitations to avoid burnout and passive-aggressive responses.

• When Friendships Need to End:

  • Natural fading of friendships versus ending them with intentional conversations if there’s been a breach of trust.
  • Practicing clarity: If a friendship no longer aligns with your life stage or values, addressing this honestly can prevent miscommunication.

In this episode of Relationship Truth Unfiltered, Leslie Vernick interviews Michelle Hord, a former producer of Good Morning America. Michelle shares her heartbreaking yet inspiring story of losing her daughter Gabrielle at the hands of her soon-to-be ex-husband and her journey of resilience and faith thereafter.

1. • The Tragic Event

     • Description of the tragic event involving Michelle's daughter, Gabrielle.
     • Emotional and psychological impact on Michelle and her family.

       Life Before the Tragedy

       • Insights into Michelle's marriage and reasons for the divorce.
       • Discussion about emotional abuse and its impact.

2. Gabrielle's Personality

   • Michelle's memories of Gabrielle.
   • Gabrielle's character and memorable traits.

3. The Night of the Tragedy

   • Details of the night Gabrielle's life was taken.
   • Michelle’s immediate reactions and actions following the event.

4. Immediate Aftermath

   • Steps Michelle took following the tragedy.
   • The support system that helped her through the initial shock.

5. Regaining Power and Faith

   • Michelle’s journey to regain her power and sense of self.
   • Her process of rebuilding faith and resilience.

6. Book Discussion: The Other Side of Yet

   • Introduction of Michelle’s book.
   • Explanation of the book’s title and central themes.

7. Defiant Faith

   • Discussion on the concept of defiant faith.
   • How Michelle has embraced defiance against evil and adversity.

8. Support Systems

   • Importance of having a strong support system during crises.
   • Examples of how Michelle’s friends supported her through difficult times.

9. Gabrielle’s Wings Foundation

   • Overview of the Gabrielle’s Wings Foundation.
   • The mission and activities of the foundation to honor Gabrielle’s legacy.

10. Conclusion and Prayer

    • Closing thoughts from Leslie and Michelle.
    • Prayer for listeners facing their own battles with evil and hardship.

• Links and Resources:

  • Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
  • Gabrielle’s Wings Foundation Website
  • Purchase Michelle Hord’s Book
  • Michelle Hord's Website
  • Leslie Vernick’s Free Quick Start Guide

• Social Media Contacts:

  • Follow Leslie Vernick on Instagram and Facebook
  • Follow Gabrielle’s Wings on Instagram and Facebook

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RESOURCES: REGISTER HERE for Leslie's FREE Workshop, If He Doesn't Hit Me, Is it Still Abuse? God Cares. September 24th, 2024, 12pm & 7:30pm Eastern

JOIN CONQUER!! September 24 - October 4th

In this episode, Betty shares her journey through CONQUER, a program that played a pivotal role in her life, first as a married woman and later after her divorce. She discusses how she rediscovered her core values, tackled people-pleasing habits, and found invaluable community support. Her story is a testament to personal growth and resilience, offering hope and a heartfelt prayer for those facing tough times.

• Twice the Impact: Betty took CONQUER courses twice—first married, then divorced in December 2016. She reflects on how this dual experience shaped her perspective and growth.

• Discovering Authenticity: Betty's journey to rediscover her core values. Insightful question: "Who did God make you to be?"

• Moving Beyond People Pleasing: Role plays and self-awareness exercises in CONQUER helped her recognize and overcome patterns of people-pleasing.

• Community and Support: Importance of community in Betty's healing journey. Deep connections and friendships formed through CONQUER.

• Transformation and Growth: Betty's evolution spiritually and emotionally. Living authentically and secure in identity and faith.

• Gratitude and Mentorship: Betty's shares her appreciation for Leslie Vernick's mentorship and teaching. Impactful moments of support and guidance.

• Finding Meaning in Difficult Times: Drawing from Isaiah 45:3—finding treasures in darkness. Recognizing God's presence and provision in challenging times.

• Encouragement for Listeners: Words of encouragement for those in similar journeys. Embrace inner work, community support, and spiritual growth.

• Closing Thoughts and Prayer: Betty's closing reflections on her journey. Heartfelt prayer for listeners in difficult circumstances.

RESOURCES:

Register Here for Leslie's Free Workshop

Are You in a Destructive Marriage Test/Quick Start Guide

Pam's Journey:

• Reflects on her marriage of over two decades overshadowed by manipulation and deceit.
• Discovering her husband's hidden behaviors: excessive gambling, pornography use, and financial mismanagement.
• The emotional toll of deception and cycles of hope and disappointment.
• The turning point: uncovering infidelity and confronting the reality of emotional abuse.

Navigating Healing and Transformation:

• Coping with legal and financial challenges amidst ongoing deceit and manipulation.
• Finding solace in resources like Leslie Vernick's teachings and support groups.
• Recognizing and addressing emotional abuse: setting boundaries and focusing on personal healing.
• Spiritual growth and redefining beliefs about marriage and submission.

Reflections and Moving Forward:

• Challenges and victories in navigating divorce and rebuilding self-worth.
• The role of support systems: friends, family, and therapeutic interventions.
• Embracing opportunities for personal growth and fulfillment beyond the confines of marriage.
• Insights into reclaiming identity and finding empowerment in life after abuse.

RESOURCES: Julie Bonn Blank's website https://www.juliebonnblank.com/ Abuse Recover Ministry: https://abuserecovery.org/ Book: "On the Frontlines of Abuse" Books by Julie Bonn Blank

• Near-Death Experience

  • Julie Bonn Blank shares her profound spiritual experience after a near-death allergic reaction
  • Impact on her faith journey and ministry

• Understanding Coercive Control

  • Definition and examples of coercive control in relationships
  • Its role in perpetuating abuse dynamics

• Highlighting ARMS Programs

  • Overview of "Her Journey" program for survivors of domestic violence
  • Explanation of "Mankind and Virtue" program for abusers

• Challenges in Church Responses

  • Discussion on how churches address abuse within their congregations
  • Importance of supportive and accountable church environments

• Personal Reflections on Healing and Relationships

  • Julie's insights on building healthy relationships after abuse
  • Differences and learnings from past experiences